Author Topic: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me  (Read 843 times)

Offline Bolsillos

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THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« on: July 12, 2019, 02:13 pm »
wait bols how the hell did you get banned from the discord
What did you even do? lol
What did you do please tell

I just hope all of you who didn't know before don't fear me, like the ones who did when they found out last year.



Most of the mods don't trust me because last year, I wanted to KILL some members, specifically Mad Z, Subaru, Joey, and Sticki. Back in 2017, all of them had done something that hurt me, but simply hurting me wouldn't have caused my desire to kill.



For most of my life, from when I was 3 to 13, every week, my father would either physically or mentally abuse me (sometimes even both). Suffice to say, when you experience that much abuse in your life, it's possible you might end up feeling some things most people wouldn't. (Oh, and the only reason my father stopped was because I cracked and out of immense anger fought back.)



So, what exactly did Mad Z, Subaru, Joey, and Sticki do that hurt me so much that would cause me to want to murder them?



Let's start with Mad Z:
On January 3rd, 2017 (I remember the date because it was the day before I started GED classes), I had created a thread stating that as long as Privates could not have the same lenient rules as Soldiers, even if I were to be voted in as a Soldier, I would deny it (I even had an idea to make the Nub Barracks (a board that existed at the time) to have the same lenient rules the Barracks, so that way the Soldiers could still have their "club"). Soon after making that thread, Mad Z said that I had passed voting, and that someone must've already told me and blah blah respect for passing it up blah blah can ask again if I want to do a revoting blah blah. Anyways, I still didn't care if I passed voting (I just said that). But you know what happens? Other Soldiers say in the thread stuff like congratulations on passing or some crap. Guess what? It turned out to all be a giant lie created by Mad Z! Now, I had problems with the guy, because he used to be a Lieutenant, and back then, for no apparent reason, he blocked me (a staff member blocking someone for no apparent reason whatsoever). So, when I found it was all a giant lie, I just lost it (I even blocked him, something I had never done before to anyone). If it was only Mad Z who had lied, oh well. But it wasn't. It was lots and lots and lots of people, and the way I viewed it, it was all a giant ploy by Mad Z to make me lose it. I had already said in the past that I despised lying, and then this happened, and I ended up making a fool of myself when I lost it.



Next up we have Subaru.
(After the 3rd of January 2017) It was on the first Sploder Discord, and I was doing something I hadn't done since 2012; sing to an audience. I was singing to some members, and what happens? Here comes Subaru and he bans me. Now, it's not simply that he banned me that made me angry. No, what it was was that he stole something I hadn't had since 2012, something that I missed and loved, an audience to sing to (oh, and I even later find out he banned me only because he didn't like me). So, come the second Sploder Discord (which lasted for a long time), and I'm singing to people, and who joins voice chat but none other than Subaru. And, I lost it.



Now, this is where Joey comes in.
(After the 3rd of January 2017) Joey is one of the people in the audience, and unbeknownst to me, he's recording me going off at Subaru, and then later, he uploads it to YouTube and makes money off it. In other words, he makes money off by humiliating me. It took lots and lots and lots of begging, but he finally took it off.



And lastly, there's Sticki.
(sometime between January and May 2017) Now, for better or for worse (I think better) I don't remember what he did (but I obviously did remember when I wanted to kill him).

EDIT: I just remembered what Sticki did to me. He made a sex offenders profile of me.

Which, given what my father did to my sister (he didn't know at the time), hurt me a lot.



Now, I bet many of you are wondering, "Bolsillos, how did people learn you wanted to kill these guys?". Y'see, the answer is quite simple. After some time had passed, Sticki had apologized to me, and we became friends. Well, one day last March, I nonchalantly said that I used to hate him and wanted to kill him, and want to kill Mad Z, Subaru, and Joey. So, what happened next? Sticki told everyone and I got banned.



So, here I am, banned from the forums, and I'm begging the Generals to let me back. Well, Death comes along and tells me that I can come back in 5 months. So, I wait, and wait, and wait. Then comes late July, I'm like, hey guys, my 5 months is almost over! Turns out, Death didn't talk to the other Generals about it, and I'm not allowed back.



Come the next month, August 2018, and I realize I can't keep running from my demons; so I sit down, look deep in my mind and confront them; I went in there and fought them, with the intention to kill them, but after a long battle, I realized that I can't get rid of them, but I can make peace with them, and so I did.

I tell Enigma to tell everyone I'm sorry, and he does, and he says they forgive and no longer fear me.



So, why don't most of the mods trust me? They fear what happened before will happen again. And to be honest, I don't blame them.

But, while I don't blame them for not trusting me, it just sucks that I'm still banned.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2019, 10:49 pm by Bolsillos »

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Offline Ethan2009

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2019, 02:16 pm »
I knew a little bit of this, and I think as long as you've improved... it wasn't right what they did, but you took it too far, but as long as you've lt go of the past and moved on, and improved, I'm sure the community can be a decently acceptive one.
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Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2019, 02:24 pm »
I knew a little bit of this, and I think as long as you've improved... it wasn't right what they did, but you took it too far, but as long as you've lt go of the past and moved on, and improved, I'm sure the community can be a decently acceptive one.
Thank you.

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Offline Cyx

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2019, 02:49 pm »
idk i want you back u seem chill dood
 

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2019, 02:52 pm »
Sorry for what happened in your past. I'm glad that you've significantly improved and that you see a chance for them to gain integrity back into their eyes. Just don't go bonkers if splode hits the fan again, no one will question how/why, you're dealing with a group with multiple people with similar opinions and whatnot.



 

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2019, 03:01 pm »
What's so funny here?
Bolsillos of all people, doesn’t strike me as a murderer.
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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2019, 03:03 pm »
But maybe my comment sounds incentive so I’ll delete it.
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Offline marcvider

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2019, 03:03 pm »
I don't know what could've come out of that. :\



 

Offline Aplatformerdude

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2019, 03:15 pm »
I may not have been here at that time but there's plenty of things I've heard about what happened and I found out around a month ago.

The degree of what really happened is shockingly embarrassing. Under no circumstances should a member of a community even have such contemplations. There obviously reached a point where you felt things got too personal but your thoughts can't be justified at all, and your ban from Discord is between you and the staff although they have reason to be skeptical. By now this has fully become public and it might be inappropriate for some young users like Rockyroad, so I suggest that you delete this thread and solve your matters with staff through PM's.

In the meanwhile, returning to the current times, you do genuinely seem apologetic for what happened and I consider you a good person in general. But the magnitude of what happened is just intricate beyond words.

To reiterate myself the best course of action would be to remove this thread and contact staff through PM's.
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Offline chucky12

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2019, 03:37 pm »
While I do think that wanting to actually commit murder is quite a strong reaction to what happened, I also feel like the people who were attacking you should probably apologize, publicly or not.
 

Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2019, 04:09 pm »
idk i want you back u seem chill dood
Thank you.
Sorry for what happened in your past. I'm glad that you've significantly improved and that you see a chance for them to gain integrity back into their eyes.

Just don't go bonkers if splode hits the fan again, no one will question how/why, you're dealing with a group with multiple people with similar opinions and whatnot.
Thank you.

I won't. As you've said, I've significantly improved.
I may not have been here at that time but there's plenty of things I've heard about what happened and I found out around a month ago.

The degree of what really happened is shockingly embarrassing. Under no circumstances should a member of a community even have such contemplations. There obviously reached a point where you felt things got too personal but your thoughts can't be justified at all, and your ban from Discord is between you and the staff although they have reason to be skeptical. By now this has fully become public and it might be inappropriate for some young users like Rockyroad, so I suggest that you delete this thread and solve your matters with staff through PM's.

In the meanwhile, returning to the current times, you do genuinely seem apologetic for what happened and I consider you a good person in general. But the magnitude of what happened is just intricate beyond words.

To reiterate myself the best course of action would be to remove this thread and contact staff through PM's.
Thank you.

Yes, you're right that younger users such as Rocky shouldn't see this.

As for talking to the staff about it, there's nothing to talk about. I've already tried, and they won't change their mind. I just felt like saying all of this in public.
While I do think that wanting to actually commit murder is quite a strong reaction to what happened, I also feel like the people who were attacking you should probably apologize, publicly or not.
While apologies would be nice, I've gotten to the point of where I forgive without apologies.

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Offline konnichihao

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2019, 07:16 pm »
what happened to you was really bad and I'm sorry that it did. if it means anything, I trust that you're in a healthier state of mind now. whenever it was first brought up that you had returned I said that you should be allowed to at least stay on the forum, and I would personally would be okay with you being unbanned on the discord as well. the thing is that I wasn't a mod when this situation happened and so I feel as though my opinion on the matter holds less weight than the mods who were active during it, made the decision in the first place, and spoke with you during that period of time
 

Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2019, 09:32 pm »
what happened to you was really bad and I'm sorry that it did.

if it means anything, I trust that you're in a healthier state of mind now. whenever it was first brought up that you had returned I said that you should be allowed to at least stay on the forum, and I would personally would be okay with you being unbanned on the discord as well.

the thing is that I wasn't a mod when this situation happened and so I feel as though my opinion on the matter holds less weight than the mods who were active during it, made the decision in the first place, and spoke with you during that period of time
Thank you.

Well, it's good to know that Tyler isn't the only mod who trusts me.

I understand.

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2019, 09:46 pm »
Thank you.

Well, it's good to know that Tyler isn't the only mod who trusts me.

I understand.
I hope that actually isn't the picture I painted. I disliked that last screenshot because of it's lack of context in the rest of the conversation- it isn't the the staff team doesn't trust you, it's that often times there are risks that aren't worth taking and this is a really unique situation that has uncertain consequences. Things won't always be this way though and time is already healing, I can promise you that.
 

Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2019, 10:05 pm »
I hope that actually isn't the picture I painted. I disliked that last screenshot because of it's lack of context in the rest of the conversation- it isn't the the staff team doesn't trust you, it's that often times there are risks that aren't worth taking and this is a really unique situation that has uncertain consequences. Things won't always be this way though and time is already healing, I can promise you that.
That's exactly the picture you painted; I believed you're the only staff member who trusts me. Are you saying all of them do?

As for its lack of context, all I saw was that staff members didn't trust me despite me having changed; the thought of needing to include anything else from that conversation felt unnecessary to me.

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Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2019, 10:48 pm »
I just remembered what Sticki did to me. He made a sex offenders profile of me.

Which, given what my father did to my sister (he didn't know at the time), hurt me a lot.

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Offline Rockyroad797

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #16 on: July 13, 2019, 07:24 am »
Doesn't matter your no longer in bad minds

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Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #17 on: July 13, 2019, 07:26 pm »
Doesn't matter your no longer in bad minds
I wish it didn't matter, but it does; many staff members view me as a possible time bomb that could go off, and I don't blame them.

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Offline Rockyroad797

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #18 on: July 13, 2019, 10:29 pm »
I wish it didn't matter, but it does; many staff members view me as a possible time bomb that could go off, and I don't blame them.

You are not

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Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #19 on: July 13, 2019, 11:06 pm »
You are not
Tell that to the staff who think I am, who, as far as I know, is every General except Sticki and Konni.

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Offline Rockyroad797

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #20 on: July 13, 2019, 11:08 pm »
Tell that to the staff who think I am, who, as far as I know, is every General except Sticki and Konni.

Even Epico and Alonessix think you are like that?

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Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #21 on: July 13, 2019, 11:10 pm »
Even Epico and Alonessix think you are like that?
As far as I know, yes.

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Offline chucky12

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #22 on: July 14, 2019, 01:48 am »
I just remembered what Sticki did to me. He made a sex offenders profile of me.

Which, given what my father did to my sister (he didn't know at the time), hurt me a lot.


Woah, that's really messed up actually.
 

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #23 on: July 14, 2019, 03:56 am »
Next up we have Subaru.
(After the 3rd of January 2017) It was on the first Sploder Discord, and I was doing something I hadn't done since 2012; sing to an audience. I was singing to some members, and what happens? Here comes Subaru and he bans me. Now, it's not simply that he banned me that made me angry. No, what it was was that he stole something I hadn't had since 2012, something that I missed and loved, an audience to sing to (oh, and I even later find out he banned me only because he didn't like me). So, come the second Sploder Discord (which lasted for a long time), and I'm singing to people, and who joins voice chat but none other than Subaru. And, I lost it.



What I'm concerned about is the fact that Subaru banned you because of the fact that he didnt like you. Staff shouldnt abuse their power and act this act because of their personal reasons so my question with this is that,did other staff approve of this or not?
I know this may not be the full story but based on this part of the story it seems like it.

Im glad that you were brave enough to say this because its nice to have things out of your system and get people to understand what you have been through.It may be hard but its a good thing and can help you later on. Im not saying tell everything to the public but if you havent talked about this before to anyone its good to do so and I hoped you have told this to probably someone you know in real life or to individual sploderians.

You have every right to be angry but you have took it too far and Im glad that you realised your mistakes but I hope that these staff have apologised to you as well if they havent done so to you and if you havent done so to them.

Just to repeat I may not know the whole story so my opinion is just based on what bolsillos said.And I hope there will be a happy ending to this :)


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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #24 on: July 14, 2019, 07:58 am »
Even Epico and Alonessix think you are like that?
They're pretty difficult to reason with since the early days even. I don't mean to splodetalk them as staff members, but just a honest opinion and fact about them as people from my perspective.



 

Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #25 on: July 14, 2019, 02:10 pm »
What I'm concerned about is the fact that Subaru banned you because of the fact that he didnt like you. Staff shouldnt abuse their power and act this act because of their personal reasons so my question with this is that,did other staff approve of this or not?
I know this may not be the full story but based on this part of the story it seems like it.

Im glad that you were brave enough to say this because its nice to have things out of your system and get people to understand what you have been through.It may be hard but its a good thing and can help you later on. Im not saying tell everything to the public but if you havent talked about this before to anyone its good to do so and I hoped you have told this to probably someone you know in real life or to individual sploderians.

You have every right to be angry but you have took it too far and Im glad that you realised your mistakes but I hope that these staff have apologised to you as well if they havent done so to you and if you havent done so to them.

Just to repeat I may not know the whole story so my opinion is just based on what bolsillos said.And I hope there will be a happy ending to this :)
When it came to the very first Sploder Discord, that only lasted for like a week; and no, Subaru didn't talk to any of the other staff members. I did however PM Flip (the creator of that Discord) about it, although he told me to not worry about it and that a new one would be made very soon (it was).

I've already said everything I've said to people before (both outside of the internet and to fellow Sploder members). As far as I know, all the Sploder members who know of my former "dark desires", had later been told of what I've said in this thread. (Also, yes, this is hard to talk about; well, when I was typing everything in the first post; it had brought up many terrible memories that I never thought I would think of again.)

Has Subaru apologized for what he did to me? According to Enigma, he has...but that wasn't directly; he told Enigma to tell me (by that time, I had been banned from the forums and second Sploder Discord (the one that was used at the time)), so Enigma was the only way Subaru could apologize to me. You might be thinking, "why not ask for your Discord tag"?; the answer is quite simple, I didn't want to talk to most of the Sploder members (I only kept in contact with a small amount).

Will there be a happy ending to all this? In my eyes, there already has been. When? It was when I made peace with my demons.

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Offline Brocky

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #26 on: July 14, 2019, 11:19 pm »
MadZ blocked you because you were annoying. That was his reasoning for it.
 

Offline Bolsillos

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #27 on: July 14, 2019, 11:47 pm »
MadZ blocked you because you were annoying. That was his reasoning for it.
Okay, but he was still a staff member.

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Offline william2001

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #28 on: July 15, 2019, 12:03 am »
MadZ blocked you because you were annoying. That was his reasoning for it.
That's uh... not a very good reason for a staff member to block a user lol



 

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Re: THIS is why most of the mods don't trust me
« Reply #29 on: July 15, 2019, 12:26 am »
That's uh... not a very good reason for a staff member to block a user lol
I was going to say the same thing