wait bols how the hell did you get banned from the discord
What did you even do? lol
What did you do please tell
I just hope all of you who didn't know before don't fear me, like the ones who did when they found out last year.
Most of the mods don't trust me because last year, I wanted to
KILL some members, specifically Mad Z, Subaru, Joey, and Sticki. Back in 2017, all of them had done something that hurt me, but simply hurting me wouldn't have caused my desire to kill.
For most of my life, from when I was 3 to 13, every week, my father would either physically or mentally abuse me (sometimes even both). Suffice to say, when you experience that much abuse in your life, it's possible you might end up feeling some things most people wouldn't. (Oh, and the only reason my father stopped was because I cracked and out of immense anger fought back.)
So, what exactly did Mad Z, Subaru, Joey, and Sticki do that hurt me so much that would cause me to want to murder them?
Let's start with Mad Z:
On January 3rd, 2017 (I remember the date because it was the day before I started GED classes), I had created a thread stating that as long as Privates could not have the same lenient rules as Soldiers, even if I were to be voted in as a Soldier, I would deny it (I even had an idea to make the Nub Barracks (a board that existed at the time) to have the same lenient rules the Barracks, so that way the Soldiers could still have their "club"). Soon after making that thread, Mad Z said that I had passed voting, and that someone must've already told me and blah blah respect for passing it up blah blah can ask again if I want to do a revoting blah blah. Anyways, I still didn't care if I passed voting (I just said that). But you know what happens? Other Soldiers say in the thread stuff like congratulations on passing or some crap. Guess what? It turned out to all be a giant lie created by Mad Z! Now, I had problems with the guy, because he used to be a Lieutenant, and back then, for no apparent reason, he blocked me (a staff member blocking someone for no apparent reason whatsoever). So, when I found it was all a giant lie, I just lost it (I even blocked him, something I had never done before to anyone). If it was only Mad Z who had lied, oh well. But it wasn't. It was lots and lots and lots of people, and the way I viewed it, it was all a giant ploy by Mad Z to make me lose it. I had already said in the past that I despised lying, and then this happened, and I ended up making a fool of myself when I lost it.
Next up we have Subaru.
(After the 3rd of January 2017) It was on the first Sploder Discord, and I was doing something I hadn't done since 2012; sing to an audience. I was singing to some members, and what happens? Here comes Subaru and he bans me. Now, it's not simply that he banned me that made me angry. No, what it was was that he stole something I hadn't had since 2012, something that I missed and loved, an audience to sing to (oh, and I even later find out he banned me only because he didn't like me). So, come the second Sploder Discord (which lasted for a long time), and I'm singing to people, and who joins voice chat but none other than Subaru. And, I lost it.
Now, this is where Joey comes in.
(After the 3rd of January 2017) Joey is one of the people in the audience, and unbeknownst to me, he's recording me going off at Subaru, and then later, he uploads it to YouTube and makes money off it. In other words, he makes money off by humiliating me. It took lots and lots and lots of begging, but he finally took it off.
And lastly, there's Sticki.
(sometime between January and May 2017) Now, for better or for worse (I think better) I don't remember what he did (but I obviously did remember when I wanted to kill him).
EDIT: I just remembered what Sticki did to me. He made a sex offenders profile of me.
Which, given what my father did to my sister (he didn't know at the time), hurt me a lot.
Now, I bet many of you are wondering, "Bolsillos, how did people learn you wanted to kill these guys?". Y'see, the answer is quite simple. After some time had passed, Sticki had apologized to me, and we became friends. Well, one day last March, I nonchalantly said that I used to hate him and wanted to kill him, and want to kill Mad Z, Subaru, and Joey. So, what happened next? Sticki told everyone and I got banned.
So, here I am, banned from the forums, and I'm begging the Generals to let me back. Well, Death comes along and tells me that I can come back in 5 months. So, I wait, and wait, and wait. Then comes late July, I'm like, hey guys, my 5 months is almost over! Turns out, Death didn't talk to the other Generals about it, and I'm not allowed back.
Come the next month, August 2018, and I realize I can't keep running from my demons; so I sit down, look deep in my mind and confront them; I went in there and fought them, with the intention to kill them, but after a long battle, I realized that I can't get rid of them, but I can make peace with them, and so I did.
I tell Enigma to tell everyone I'm sorry, and he does, and he says they forgive and no longer fear me.
So, why don't most of the mods trust me? They fear what happened before will happen again. And to be honest, I don't blame them.
But, while I don't blame them for not trusting me, it just sucks that I'm still banned.
