Author Topic: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-  (Read 157 times)

Offline cake9899

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Every time I get lifted up, I plummet down
Every time its different
Someone hurts me
Or my mind gets the best of me
Overthinking, Feeling Anxious, And feeling numb all at the same time

Lately Ive been so out of it
bumping into things, getting scratched or cut or bruised easily
And when Im scratched or cut
The pain feels good
It makes me feel something other than the constant numbness
Even when im sad I usually feel nothing
Even when Im anxious I barely feel anxiety
People tell me they wish they could just feel nothing
But they dont want this
No one does

Lately Ive been walking down the hallways and sometimes ill go too far to the left, or the right
Ill always feel like im not really there
Like Im about to fall over right there
Seeing spots and feeling weak
Feeling like im walking on clouds, when in reality
I could trip and people laugh at me
I could bump into the wall, or anyone
I could faint and have people step or trip over me
Just simple every day tasks, like walking through the hallways at school, have become atrocious for me
Talking to people, asking how they are first, because I genuinely care about them
And I always seem to talk about the same stuff thats bothering me and all they can really say is"Im sorry"
Faking a smile every single day to the people that dont understand
Almost no one understands
I smile, I laugh, I seem energetic
But on the inside

Im drained
Im weak
Im slowly losing it
Losing everything I once had that made me feel normal
Losing my emotions, losing my sense of reality
But If Im not really living then why am I alive?
I sometimes lie in bed at night staring at the ceiling
Wondering what if I died right now
What if I died in my sleep, or tomorrow
If I died right now
All I could really look back on in my life is pain
There is nothing big or amazing I did in my life
All my life people have hurt me countless times
Parents, teachers, friends, neighbors, Neighborhood friends and kids, even strangers I dont even know
I think to myself
Why do people like to hurt me?
What did I do to deserve this?
What did I do to deserve this pain?
I believe I am good to people, I try to be a good person
But people still find my flaws and I guess I have a lot because my parents and other people like to point them out constantly
"youre immature"
"grow up"
"she's kind of annoying"
My mom pointing out my (one or two) pimples, scars, weight, and many other things
And after all of this
After all of this
I bottle myself up
Until no one can pick on what I say
and if I dont say a word, then thats less for them to pick on
or judge me on


Im like a soda can
I bottle myself up, then I explode
All of my anxiety and depression
I bottle it up for so long
And sometimes I snap
not at my friends
never at my friends
But my mom
She usually says something or does something that makes me snap
I would explain further, but its different every day
Every day I come home to fight the same demon(s) every day and at the end of the day its always the same
I lay in bed and dwell
and overthink

I just hope that someday I can find people who wont hurt me as much
true friends
I know a lot of you guys are better friends than I have in real life
And its kind of sad, but its true
I splodein love you guys<333

she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫
 

Offline cake9899

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2019, 10:11 am »
SORRY ITS SO EDGY AND DEPRESSING HAHA
I guess Im trying to say that Im tired of feeling so numb yet in pain at the same time
I also hate that I have no one to turn to, really, except for people online, and that I always have to fake smile or fake laugh
Anyways I hope you guys have a better day than Im having:))) I love you guys!!
she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫
 

Offline kingofdanerds

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2019, 10:14 am »
I see this to be a song
One light, one mind, flashing in the dark, blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts, "For crying out loud!" she said unto me, a free for all, f*ck em all
 

Offline cake9899

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2019, 10:18 am »
I see this to be a song
Hmmmmmmm. Possibly some lines!! ahah
she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫
 

Offline Aplatformerdude

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2019, 11:00 am »
Is this supposed to be a song or...?

Please clarify. I'm pretty confused.
Perseverance is a blessing
 

Offline cake9899

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2019, 11:02 am »
Is this supposed to be a song or...?

Please clarify. I'm pretty confused.
It was venting but I tried to make it poetic ish? ahaha
she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫
 

Offline Aplatformerdude

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2019, 11:44 am »
It was venting but I tried to make it poetic ish? ahaha
Well, all I can say is you definitely need to talk to someone. It is perhaps a little interesting that you managed to make something like that so poetic, I must say.


What you should remember is that sometimes, it's better to have no friends at all. More often than not, those you do have are only friends with you for the sake of it. Have a discussion like this with them and they'll leave you as if you never even knew each other. I have experienced this before, so I have a fairly decent idea of how it feels like.


However, if you know someone in real life that you think would never do such a thing, then by all means, talk to them. I hope that helps.
Perseverance is a blessing
 

Offline cake9899

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2019, 11:53 am »
Well, all I can say is you definitely need to talk to someone. It is perhaps a little interesting that you managed to make something like that so poetic, I must say.


What you should remember is that sometimes, it's better to have no friends at all. More often than not, those you do have are only friends with you for the sake of it. Have a discussion like this with them and they'll leave you as if you never even knew each other. I have experienced this before, so I have a fairly decent idea of how it feels like.


However, if you know someone in real life that you think would never do such a thing, then by all means, talk to them. I hope that helps.
yeah, too many friends have left me because of my depression and what not. the few that havent, im either not too close with, dont like too much, or are simply fake friends. I wish I had a best friend, someone who I loved a lot who hung out with me often and liked the same bands and music as me. Someone who likes makeup and taking cute pictures, who will listen to my problems, give advice, not ditch me all the time, not ignore me, hype me up..
damn.
she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫
 

Offline Aplatformerdude

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2019, 12:06 pm »
yeah, too many friends have left me because of my depression and what not. the few that havent, im either not too close with, dont like too much, or are simply fake friends. I wish I had a best friend, someone who I loved a lot who hung out with me often and liked the same bands and music as me. Someone who likes makeup and taking cute pictures, who will listen to my problems, give advice, not ditch me all the time, not ignore me, hype me up..
damn.
Yeah well, nobody's perfect. Doesn't mean you should let that get you down. I'm certain there's someone out there.


Perseverance is a blessing
 

Offline cake9899

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Re: A LONG DEPRESSING RANT VENT THING HAHA I RAMBLED ON AND ON-
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2019, 12:11 pm »
Yeah well, nobody's perfect. Doesn't mean you should let that get you down. I'm certain there's someone out there.
Im sure there is too! Just gotta find em
she brings bruises and cuts to show and tell
but she never told
no one ever wondered
they all think they’re marks from her playing outside
making up her fantasy
wishing it was her reality 🌙 💫